Reports of child abuse are becoming commonplace in the media and there are thousands more horrifying cases that go unreported every day but what if you are the parent of a child who abuses you emotionally, psychologically or even physically? Where do you turn for help?
The drive home from work is the worst time of day. Her stomach is in knots wondering what has gone wrong today. What has she done to make him angry and what will he do to punish her for these perceived wrongdoings? She opens the door apprehensively to find her 17-year-old son standing at the top of the stairs seething with anger and wielding a staple gun. Today, the sunlight woke him up before his usual 2:00 or 3:00 PM rising and as he attempted to use blankets to cover the windows, he ran out of staples. He bombards her with insults and accusations that could turn an otherwise confident, intelligent woman into an emotional basket case. He continues his tirade until she is sobbing uncontrollably then demands to know why she is crying. "Is that all you can do is cry, you stupid b****??" She obediently rushes to get the replacement staples and in return he threatens to shoot her but chooses instead to shoot several staples into the clean laundry hanging on the line as well as several pairs of her shoes. This is far from an isolated incident. In his anger, he has destroyed photographs, books and other items of his mother's with sentimental value and the most disturbing part is his obvious pleasure upon seeing her devastation. He has used a baseball bat, his fists, feet and even his head to make holes in almost every wall and door in the house and destroyed countless cell phones and pieces of furniture. In a futile attempt to stop him his mother has been injured on several occasions but naively dismisses it as accidental. The police have been called to the home so many times that the address is well known. They are now reluctant to respond to calls since the outcome is always the same: the mother refuses to press charges and since he is under 18, he cannot be taken into custody without the mother's consent or co-operation. Everywhere the mother has turned to get her son the mental health help that he needs has been a dead end. He is too violent and disruptive for outpatient programmes and "not quite sick enough" to meet the criteria for involuntary commitment to hospital for observation and treatment. The standard advice from many sources, both legal and medical, has been to kick her son out of the house. The psychiatrist's answer has been to gradually increase the dosage of his anti-psychotic medication which has had little or no effect.
Physically, there is a benefit to him during his tirades. Studies show that both adrenalin and endorphins are released during angry outbursts that mimic the effects of physical exercise. Although this is completely unconscious, the more he explodes, the better he feels. Emotionally, he is using several common defence mechanisms and acting out his frustration that his mother was not able to protect him from his own abuse at the hands of his father. He has not been to school in months and has quit or been fired from all of his part time jobs. With nothing to do all day but dwell on his problems, he takes his frustration and anger out on the only person left in his life who cares about him. His awareness of this and subsequent guilt has caused him to use self-punishment measures including cutting as well as drug abuse to deny and repress his own traumatic memories. Although his mother suffers daily by allowing him to live in the home, her main concern is her son's uncertain future. Without the help he so desperately needs, his prospects may include an early death from substance abuse or homicide, homelessness, the revolving door of the penal system or suicide. Statistics show that he is also more likely to become a spousal or child abuser himself, which only perpetuates the victim/abuser cycle.
If you believe your child needs professional help with mental health, substance abuse or anger management issues, do not give up on them. Tough love may not be all they need. Make phone calls and when you are advised that one agency is unable to help, ask which ones can and do not take no for an answer. ---------------------------------------------
Join Our Forum and leave your comments on this article or anything else you have read on this site. To create your own account on our forum, please click on the following link.
QUICK LINKS
