The wine traveller interviews - VADER AND THE PRESIDENT
Charles Vader organised a special interview with The President of the United States, George W Bush during the APEC conference in 2007. Here follows a transcript of that interview.
Vader: It’s the wire fences, snipers, police and all the crap going on with this bloody conference.
GWB: I’m sorry buddy, it’s not my fault – OPEC meetings have never been like this, maybe your Premiere went overboard. Anyways, the women like all the attention.
Vader: Good one Pres, now let’s get on with this interview. I have heard that someone said that there is only one post fit for you, and that is the office of perpetual President of the US of A.
GWB: I dunno who he was, but I’d shake his hand by the hand, seems he knows a thing or three about politics.
Vader: So, you enjoy life at the top, Mr President?
GWB: Oh my bum-tiddley I do, I’m rather predisprosed to the Presidental life and the good that I can do for the world. I might say without feeling egotesticle, that the world is good for me and I am good for it. If yuh not the lead dog in the sled team, the view never changes.
Vader: You believe that you are a good leader?
GWB: Sure as hens peck seed. No matter what I suggest, people just fall in behind me.
Vader: Is that a good thing for world peace?
GWB: Yeh man, all I want is a stable world.
Vader: With America at the top.
GWB: Well, that’s where we should be – we are the land of the free, except niggers and muslims – say is this being recorded?
Vader: No, Mr President. So America is free for some.
GWB: Name me one country in the world where that is not the case. Every society has to have a ruling classes. No way can donkeys lead the pack, except into obelivion.
Vader: So the mighty USA is the society to lead the world into the future?
GWB: Oh heavens, yeh – ducky-doodle-dander. Yuh see we started in 1918, …
Vader: After being in the war for a few years, you abandoned Europe and stood by to see the outbreak of World War 2.
GWB: That’s correct, we didn’t wanna jump right in – we gave the nations some time to sort themselves out after they dumped our League of Nations ideals. We sorta said stuff ‘em.
Vader: So you sold them munitions, making billions, then came in when it suited you.
GWB: America, God bless her, was and always will be a free market place. We could see the world needed leadership at its greatest time of peril. We wanted peace, man.
Vader: And oil.
GWB: Oil, the greasy pole of industry, but a fact me and my friends couldn’t ignore.
Vader: Iraq, President Bush, how does it go?
GWB: If this is not being recorded, up the shit, buddy. Those Iraqis are wankers.
Vader: I don’t think Moslems accept or recognise wankers, Mr President.
GWB: Dickleheads, then. They’ve stuffed everything up. We go in with a good plan and all the latest technology, and they don’t follow the plan!
Vader: Probably didn’t like the plan.
GWB: Who gives a tosser! They’s all wasted spacers.
Vader: Why not leave them to it? They have their own friends.
GWB: No, we just can’t leave them, and their friends are even bigger assholes. They really need our help, and the help of the free world.
Vader: And you need the oil.
GWB: Huh, huh, and the presitege. We gotta be at the vanguard of democracies,
Vader: But, they might not like your version of a democracy.
GWB: Stiffy shitty. They got it, bud.
Vader: Do you think they really understand what it means to be a democracy?
GWB: It’s probably all Greek to them. But if they don’t go with it, they’ll go back to bein wandering Arabs, livin in tribes in the desert. Do yuh think that most Iraqis would want that?
Vader: Did you ask them what they wanted?
GWB: No way Jose. Why would I do that? Yuh’d be forever chasing them round the pumpkin waitin for an answer. You just can’t go round askin people what they want. A government could just not have the time or money to satistify their crappy little desires.
Vader: So, Mr President, you would adopt undemocratic measures to install a democratic system upon peoples who have never operated under such a system and despise it.
GWB: Every time buddy, every time. They gotta know what’s good for ‘em.
Vader: President Bush, thank you for this interview.
GWB: It’s been a great honourable to talk to yuh – but I didn’t think it was an interview.
Vader: You are right Sir, it wasn’t.
GWB: Good on yuh, I always knows what is the wherefors.
The next interview is a 7:30 Report interview with someone called John Howard.
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