Verses gleaned from and inspired by Badger's Pen & Stage Bar, Gurravembi Cellars and The Fiddleback Inn, and those characters who frequent and imbibe in them.
There was a shit drinker from the Hunter
He had no taste, no style - shit punter;
He was banned from the bars and the cellars
And avoided by all the decent fellas -
No wonder his wit is so much blunter.
Bazz thought he had a good bottle of Clare
But his supposition wasn't quite there;
He discovered it came from the Barossa -
And as he didn't want to look a tossa,
He explained that his cellar was quite bare.
There was a vigneron from the Clare
About cleanliness he didn't care:
A shot of sulphur, a bit of heat;
A handful of oak was hard to beat -
This prick's brains reside in his underwear.
Dear old Bazz likes his bottle of red
And a port before he goes to bed.
But trouble is that he snores
And spews all over the floors.
Irena calls him "the fountainhead".
There was a young man of the Nambucca
Who's only thought and aim was to fucka,
But when the time came
He forgot her name
And she told him to fuck back to 'bucca.
A beer drinker in the Fiddleback
Once dared to show his sacred poo crack.
Bazz booted him up the arse
And what added to the farce
Was, the bugger wanted to come back.
A flatulent nun, Sister Sophia
At Badger's Easter, supped on papaya,
Then honoured the Passover
By turning her ass over
And obliging with Handel's Messiah.
There was a young singer called Bazz
Who liked to sing about Shiraz;
His peppery tones grated
And the lyrics were dated,
You couldn't even call it jazz.
There was a young taster of Peking
Who indulged in a lot of necking;
This seemed a great waste
Since she claimed to be chaste;
This statement, however, needs checking.
There was a young lady named Della
Who boasted, "I'll have any fella,
Anytime, I'll try,
So where shall I lie -
On the bar, or floor of the cellar?
Margaret thought she had lots of class
Drinking fine Champagne, glass after glass;
But the party bubbles
Gave her lots of troubles,
Now she's pregnant and out on her ass.
There was a young member called snake
Whose name turned out to be fake;
His pisoleum was small,
It wouldn't work at all,
So he didn't live up to his namesake!
There was a young maid from Nambucca
Who loved any man who would stuff her;
She preened and she hunted,
She howled and she grunted;
And she made up to any old sucker.
In a cellar I met this young bitch
Whose hands had this amenable twitch;
No trousers were safe
From this decadent waif
So now I have this horrible itch.
There was a young girl of Nambucca
Who was widely renowned as a farta.
Her deafening reports
At the Little A sports
Made her much in demand as a starta.
There was once a young girl called Jeanie
Whose dad was a terrible meanie:
He made up a latch
And a hatch for her snatch -
She could only be had by Houdini.
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